I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
