maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
