Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
did you just send me my own nude
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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