I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize