Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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