just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
