Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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