Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
