my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
