I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
