I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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