i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
