Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
