He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
