Please, let me fuck your mom
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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