Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
