I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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