Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
