trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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