I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
