im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
