brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
