Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
