Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
