airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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