My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
