there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
