I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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