I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
