why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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