My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
