The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
