What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
