Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
