She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
