i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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