I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
