we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
