oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize