Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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