I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
