Have you finally orgasmed yet?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
