At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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