I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
