i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
