Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
