I just made out with a guy for $7.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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