I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
