I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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