Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
