youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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