"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
