That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
