I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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