and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
