i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
