Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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