just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
