White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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