Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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