you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
