im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
