I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
