she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
