I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
