she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize