so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
