you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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