textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
