legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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