i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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