I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think i got beer on your cat.
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