i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
