I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
