also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
