so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
where are my eyebrows?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
