I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
