His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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