i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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