please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
