dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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