I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
