who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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