Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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