I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
