I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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