I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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