how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
