Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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