Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
