I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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