After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
