Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
